Ashen Ones, Rejoice! Dark Souls III Summons Its First Expansion in October
2016′s best reason to angrily snap a controller in two – no, not Umbrella Corps – is back with its first expansion: Ashes of Ariandel.
The first of two planned DLC additions to Dark Souls III, players are tasked to explore Ariandel, a brand new area overtaken by frozen tundra and gruesome grotesqueries. Naturally, there’s new weapons and armor to attain, new magics to master, and new enemies to get repeatedly mauled by.
Ashes of Ariandel releases for PC, PS4, and Xbox One on October 25th. The expansion can be bought standalone at $14.99 or as a part of the Season Pass for $24.99. Peep the trailer below and prepare to die. You’ve got time to get your affairs in order.
Wubba Lubba Dub Dub! Rick and Morty Warp into Dota 2
I’ve never played one mouse-click of Dota 2 in my life, but obviously that has to change. That’s because everyone’s favorite pair of inter-dimensional travelers, Rick and Morty (of Rick and Morty fame, if you needed a hint) are invading Valve’s MOBA in their very own announcer pack.
You’re $7.99 away from having a drunken genius berate your performance in between bile-burps as his dim-witted grandson attempts to piece together what the hell’s going on. The prolific voice talent behind the duo – and the show’s co-creator – Justin Roiland helped write the pack’s lines with assistance from the game’s community. The results, as heard below, are as brilliant as the show.
Destiny’s ‘The Dark Below’ Dated and Detailed, Drops December
I know what you’re thinking, Guardians. “Why in the world would I need even more content to contend with when I’m perfectly happy to play the same handful of Strike missions over again for the three-hundredth time?”
Listen, I’m with you. It’s a valid point. Originally, I was a little miffed at being locked into the same cutscenes where Dinklebot reads out exposition like he would names in a phone book sixty times over. But after sixty-one times, I loved it.
Come December 9th, though, it’ll be time to influx a brand new set of missions you’ll play into the ground, sanding your joystick nubs into… nubbier nubs. Destiny’s first expansion, “The Dark Below,” launches across all platforms, the standalone DLC pricing in at $19.99 or $34.99 when bundled in the Season Pass (which includes the upcoming “House of Wolves”).
“The Dark Below,” a supposedly substantial expansion to the Destiny universe, includes:
- Three new story missions doled out by a new character, Eris, who apparently spent her time hiding among the Hive like a sci-fi Dian Fossey
- New weapons, armor, and five additional bounty slots (that’s twice the grind!)
- Light Level cap raises to 32; irrelevant, I will forever be stuck at 26
- A new Strike, “The Will of Crota,” where you face down the Omnigul’s plans for Moon domination
- Another six player Raid called “Crota’s End” in which your Fireteam has to venture into the Hellmouth to prevent Sunnydale High from being overrun with uber-vamps (wait… no, that’s correct)
- Three new PvP maps — The Cauldron, a close-quarters Hive arena; Pantheon, a bout inside a Vex temple; and Skyshock, an abandoned defense array now home to your pulse rifle murder streaks
Additionally, if you count yourself apart of the PlayStation family, you’re privy to an exclusive Strike mission dubbed “The Undying Mind” which I sincerely hope pits players against a giant Dinklebot.
Alien: Isolation Reunites the Original 1979 Film’s Cast in Bonus DLC
After 35 years since its release, the original Alien cast is having a reunion. In a video game. Remember – no one can hear you fangasm in space.
Creative Assembly’s upcoming survival horror ode to dying at the hands of an eyeless allegory for man rape brings together the voice talents of Tom Skerritt, Ian Holm, Veronica Cartwright, Harry Dean Stanton, Yaphet Kotto and Sigourney Weaver (reprising her career launching role as Warrant Officer Ellen Louise Ripley for the first time since 1997).
The cast features in two missions ripped straight from the film. The first, “Crew Expendable,” is included in the Nostromo Edition of Alien: Isolation and lets players choose between Dallas, Ripley, or Parker moments after Brett is double-jawed to death by the ship’s stowaway. You’ll explore the Nostromo and look for a way to lure the alien to an airlock (as in “Blew it out the goddamn…”).
Slapping down a pre-order at Gamestop gives access to a second DLC chapter called “Last Survivor” recreates the third act of the film wherein [SPOILERS] Ripley is the last crew member to have not been double-jawed to death. You’ll have to dart your way through the shadows of the Nostromo, set the self-destruct, and backtrack all the way to the ship’s lifeboat in order to make a spectacular getaway. It’s unclear if the cat that played Jonesy in the original film will lend its vocal talents to the DLC.
The bonus content dances upon the “totes excite” quadrants of my brain. However, I’m pretty sure this is a part of that sickening future where retailers withhold not just skins and bonus weapons to guide your dollar, but entire chunks of exclusive gameplay, which the latter piece of content definitely is.
Alien: Isolation hits current and next-gen console October 7th.
New DLC Has Snoop Dogg Narrating Call of Duty: Ghosts Matches; “It’s the Coolest Game in the Hood” Apparently
Well, in just about the best news I’ve heard in 2014, a new personalization pack for Activision’s annual cash-in, Call of Duty: Ghosts, allows you to replace the multiplayer narrator with – and I am in no way shitting you – hip-hop legend Snoop Dogg’s smooth-as-thousand-dollar-velvet voice.
I’m uncertain what brought us to this reality. I understand micro-content; it makes sense for a corporation to further monetize their top selling product. I get that. And I understand personalization tweaks; for a few bucks, you can download weapon skins so people who don’t instinctively double-tap out of the Kill-Cam can see they were murdered by someone with style.
But Snoop to the Dee Oh Double Gee Dogg? Saying shit like “Squad Member active – a brother from another mother” and “Yeeahh, crizz-ay” during an online match? This is a stroke of idiotic genius. It’s completely stupid, yet I will purchase the voice-over pack with less hesitation than I’d have saving my own child from drowning. Just watch this video and try not to smile. Just fucking try.
Ghosts is a rather dry product – admittedly the least amount of fun I’ve had plugging into this series since Call of Duty 3 – butlittle stunts like adding Michael Myers and the goddamn Predator into the game provide the necessary flavoring that stops me from ejecting this vanilla wafer entry out of my collection.
The Snoop Dogg Voice-Over Pack, obviously trumping The Last of Us’ Left Behind expansion as the most emotionally affecting piece of DLC this year, releases April 22nd on Xbox platforms, priced at $2.99.