Investors Won't Get Off Nintendo's Back, Iwata Responds By Nuking the Face of the Earth with Wii U's

Despite somehow making the 3DS desirable after a despicable launch, Nintendo’s profits continue to take a nosedive.  The company’s investors began to sweat profusely over sales projections, then contort their faces into a frown unique only to individuals that wear suits the same price as cars.  What was the Big N’s president, Satoru Iwata, to do?  Launch every Wii U.  Everywhere. 

By the holidays, Iwata fully intends the Wii U to ship to all major territories across the globe, equipped with a firm lineup of software to ensure past snafus never rear their head again.  “We have learned a bitter lesson from the launch of the Nintendo 3DS,” says the company’s president, presumably while stubbing a cigarette out on the handheld.

Iwata also assures us that the console – which is reportedly twice as powerful as an Xbox 360 – will be shown off in its “final form” come time for this year’s E3. Iwata intends the console’s push to bolster Nintendo’s next fiscal year, that much is clear.  I’d much prefer to hear that Nintendo’s next big “it” is being slowly and carefully developed and fine-tuned in order to offer consumers the best possible platform for their money, but it seems the system is being rushed just to keep the company relevant in today’s ever-shifting, sometimes brutally impartial market.

Nintendo has been associated with quality for years now (and I’m not just referring to the gold seals they slap on everything they sell).  I’d hate to have them launch a rushed, buggy system and repeat the frustration of the original Xbox 360 and PS3 models that all seemed to have a red/yellow light death date ticking down inside them.  Perhaps E3 will soften me up for the Wii U’s arrival.  I know seeing that HD Zelda footage tends to make my buying sensibilities go comatose.

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